jus some jokes

What do you call a nigger with a peg leg? 
Shit on a stick!  

Why do niggers always have sex on their minds? 
Because they have pubes on their heads!  

What does Pontiac stand for? 
Poor Old Nigger Thinks It's A Cadillac!

Did you hear the one about . . 
. . the baby nigger who went to heaven and got his wings? He said, "God! Look! I'm an angel!", and God said, "No you stupid nigger! You're a bat, now eff off!" 

I like black people . . . 
. . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them! 

What does a nigress and an ice hockey player have in common? 
They both change their pads after 3 periods!  

Why do blacks have white hands and feet? 
They were on all fours when God spray painted them! 

Why do black people have white hands? 
They were up against the wall when God spray painted them! 

Why do black people have white hands? 
Everyone has some good in them!

Why do black people have white hands? 
It rubs off the cop cars!  

Why do more niggers get hit by cars in the winter? 
They're easier to spot!

What do you call two blacks on one bike? 
Organized crime!

Why are niggers getting stronger? 
T.V.s are getting bigger!  

What happened to the nigger who had an abortion? 
Crime Stoppers sent her a check for $500! -tim 



Why don't nigger bitchs wear panties to picnics? 
To keep the flies away from the chicken! -michael 

What's the difference between a truck full of baby niggers and a truck full of bowling balls? 
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork! 

What does FUBU stand for? 
Farmers Used to Buy Us 

What does FUBU stand for? 
Farmers Used to Beat Us 

Why don't sharks eat niggers? 
They think its whale shit! 

Why do niggers call white people "honkies"? 
Thats the last sound they hear before they get hit!

What do they do with dead niggers in California? 
Gut them to make wetsuits!

Why does L.A. have so many fags and N.Y. so many niggers? 
L.A. had first choice!

What do you call a chinese nigger with AIDS? 
Coon Die Soon

What does NAACP stand for? 
Niggers Against All Caucasian People 

What does NAACP stand for? 
Now Apes Are Called People

What's Hitlers least favorite planet?
'Jewpiter'

Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?
The pizza doesnt scream when you put it in an oven! 

Whats the difference between a Jew and a Canoe?
A canoe tips 

How do you get 100 jews into a car?
Throw a quarter in it.
How do you get them out again?
Tell them Hilter is driving. 

How many jews can you fit in a VW Beetle?
54, two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray. 

How do you know you have a queer Jew? 
He likes money more than girls. 

Have you heard about the Jewish sports car? 
It stops on a dime, then picks it up 

What is a Jews biggest dilemma?
Free pork 

Whey do Jews have such big noses?
Cuz all the airs free. 

Whats the object of Jewish football?
To get the quarter back. 

How was copper wire invented?
2 Jews fighting over the same penny 

What language does Jewish homo speak?
Heblew 

What did the little German boy get for his birthday?
Easy bake oven and a G.I Jew 

Hows Christmas celebrated in Jewish homes? 
They put parking meters on the roof. 

Why did the Jews walk around the desert for 40 years?
They heard that someone dropped a quarter 

What do you call a room full of jewish women with yeast infections? 
A whine and cheese party. 

Whats Jewish doggy style?
You beg for half an hour and the princess rolls over and plays dead. 

What happens when a Jew with an errection walks into a wall?
He breaks his nose.

What's faster than a speeding bullet?
A jew with a coupon.

SCHOOL SUCKS x( 2/19/2009 09:49:00 PM<3

Had fun with Leon Lau. hahx

[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:45 PM):
wa lao
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:45 PM):
change ur name
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ LeonLau tiong xim to NPCC. wtf? says (8:45 PM):
i write u huan simi.
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:45 PM):
fk las
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ LeonLau tiong xim to NPCC. wtf? says (8:45 PM):
zz
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:45 PM):
siao
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ LeonLau tiong xim to NPCC. wtf? says (8:46 PM):
simi siao
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ LeonLau tiong xim to NPCC. wtf? says (8:46 PM):
i write this u wan huan ?
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ LeonLau tiong xim to NPCC. wtf? says (8:47 PM):
 
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:47 PM):
wth is tat
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:47 PM):
changed.
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:47 PM):
act cute
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:47 PM):
that is xd la
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:47 PM):
happy
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:47 PM):
 
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:47 PM):
i done wib liao changed.
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:47 PM):
act cute act cute act cute
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:48 PM):
wa crap darwis sms me
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:48 PM):
ask me bring tshirt
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:48 PM):
i dun have
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:48 PM):
FUCK HIM.
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:48 PM):
me too
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:48 PM):
bring paint
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:48 PM):
wa send same time
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:48 PM):
he got c;b bo?
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:48 PM):
t-shirt compulsory?
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:49 PM):
sui i goin this one training
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:49 PM):
t-shirt compulsory
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:49 PM):
u wan dirty ur uniform dun bring la
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:50 PM):
zz';
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:51 PM):
lol i rid ur blog y cd say i spammer
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:51 PM):
wad i do?
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:51 PM):
huh
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:51 PM):
wait
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:51 PM):
ayiah knw le
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:51 PM):
i spam u mah
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:52 PM):
where got spam my BLOG?

[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:52 PM):
no ,the chat
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:52 PM):
the entry
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:52 PM):
zzzzzzzzzz>
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:52 PM):
which one
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:52 PM):
2nd
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:53 PM):
zz'
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:53 PM):
kao eh
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:53 PM):
u brining all of the above mentioned?
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:53 PM):
tml still got NPCC


[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:53 PM):
no
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:54 PM):
pcb
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:54 PM):
i goin this one training
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:54 PM):
zzz
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:54 PM):
BRINING FOR RED SHIRT?
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:54 PM):
no
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:54 PM):
i not contributing
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:54 PM):
fckj u
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:54 PM):
i eat finish go le
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:54 PM):
will tio demerit points
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:54 PM):
 
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:54 PM):
i got training la
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:54 PM):
i give you eat spermicide la
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:54 PM):
i got training la
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:55 PM):
heck the training
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:55 PM):
which part of 'i got training la'u do no under stand?
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:55 PM):
i SAID heck the training
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:55 PM):
i didnt say i did not understand la
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:55 PM):
you faggot!
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:56 PM):
i heck training they heck me
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:56 PM):
heck jiu heck u care simi?
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:56 PM):
hack
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:56 PM):
hack wif knife
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:56 PM):
dont go la. that annual parade is shit.
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:56 PM):
 i rather you attend red shirts
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:56 PM):
i wan go
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:56 PM):
then go to your preferred one.
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:56 PM):
shit i still no beret
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:57 PM):
You have a choice
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:57 PM):
OH! good luck?
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:57 PM):
and congratulations btw, our conversations will be on my blog.
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:57 PM):
 
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:57 PM):
ask jp sacrifice himself
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:57 PM):
oi
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:58 PM):
dun hor
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:58 PM):
i am going to! you cant change my decision dude! its honourable to have your name and our conversation in my blog. 
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:58 PM):
oi
[c=0][c=0][/c]Leon[/c] says (8:58 PM):
walao
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ TIONG XIM KIA. says (8:59 PM):
my decision is final one more word and more in going in . NO BARGAIN.

SCHOOL SUCKS x( 2/12/2009 08:59:00 PM<3

                                          haha sabo JP ROXS. x33 sabohouse

                                         ss was well taken!

[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ says (6:52 PM):

did you read the newpaper for my school news?
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (6:52 PM):
yep
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (6:52 PM):
that time report
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ says (6:52 PM):
isnt it fantastic
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (6:52 PM):
say about Coral's rule
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (6:52 PM):
i personally think it's a dumb rule lah
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (6:52 PM):
everyday at White Sands when i come back i see so many Coral people
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (6:52 PM):
in UNIFORM
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ says (6:52 PM):
your opinions?
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (6:52 PM):
the principal is dumb.
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (6:53 PM):
so are the Operations Manager and Vice-Principal,who blindly follow the Principal
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ says (6:53 PM):
Any things to add on?
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (6:53 PM):
okay,im off for the Hong Kong drama!!!
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC ♣♦çÿ says (6:53 PM):
Thank you for co-operating with PYS TIMES. your reply will be much appreciated and posted on my blog.

SCHOOL SUCKS x( 2/11/2009 06:53:00 PM<3

[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:26 PM):
eh bryan
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:27 PM):
what
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:27 PM):
If x squared + y aquared = 10 and xy = 4, find the value of (x-y) squared
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:27 PM):
ps squared i ccnt the small number two on my keyboard
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:28 PM):
er...
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:28 PM):
u noe hw to do?
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:28 PM):
I KNOW LAH
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:28 PM):
wait,i go take paper
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:29 PM):
is (x+y) squared or x squared + y squared?
  
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ just sent you a nudge.
  
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ just sent you a nudge.
  
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:32 PM):
hmms
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:33 PM):
OI
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:33 PM):
bth the same la
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:33 PM):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rpas0QjKY_A
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:33 PM):
x squared + y squared
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:33 PM):
= 10
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:33 PM):
YOUR HEAD LAH
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:33 PM):
xy = 4
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:33 PM):
wad is (x-y) squared
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:33 PM):
IS THE QUESTION (x+y) squared or x squared + y squared?
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:33 PM):
x squared + y squared
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:34 PM):
( x +y ) squared ez do
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:34 PM):
jus put
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:34 PM):
xsquared + 2 times x and times y + y squared
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:34 PM):
so is
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:34 PM):
NOOOOOOOOO!
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:34 PM):
2xy+ x squared + y squared
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:34 PM):
yes la
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:35 PM):
(x+Y) squared is DIFFERENT from x squared + y sqaured
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:35 PM):
why
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:35 PM):
eh computer hw to find the squared that number two
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:35 PM):
i also dunno
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:35 PM):
EH WAIT
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:35 PM):
i working out the answer
 -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:35 PM):
you shut up
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:36 PM):
see i help you practise
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:36 PM):
tdy i jus did my maths test
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:36 PM):
so ez >< [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:36 PM): except that [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:36 PM): i duno whether to leave it in 2 significant figure [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:36 PM): i leave my ans as one whol ebig chunk of decimal [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:36 PM): duno need anot  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:36 PM): I THINK I GOT IT!  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:37 PM): answer is 4   -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:37 PM): right?  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:37 PM): EH NO  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:37 PM): answer is 2! [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:38 PM): how u get  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:38 PM): (x-y) squared is equal to : [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:39 PM): i cnt find the ans holy  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:39 PM): YOU SHUT UP LET ME EXPLAIN [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:39 PM): ok  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:39 PM): x squared - 2xy + y squared  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:39 PM): this part you understand? [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:39 PM): duh [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:39 PM): jus nw i tell u derh   -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:40 PM): since the information we have is x squared + y squared = 10, and xy = 4  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:40 PM): we can switch the equation around into:  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:40 PM): x squared + y squared - 2xy  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:40 PM): yes? understand? [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:40 PM): wait i try to digest [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:41 PM): uh huh then  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:41 PM): so we can substitute in the numbers  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:41 PM): 10 - 2(4)  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:41 PM): which is 10 - 8  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:41 PM): answer is 2 !  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:41 PM): understand? [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:43 PM): npes -.-  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:43 PM): okay...i explain again  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:44 PM): do you understand the part where i switch the equation into:  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:44 PM): x squared + y squared - 2xy? [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:44 PM): NO [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:44 PM): wad for switch [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:45 PM): eh wait u gt read hw i scold np is my las wk's post?  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:45 PM): so that we can substitute the terms with the numbers we have [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:45 PM):  a bunch of dogmasters ordering dogs to fall in IN 10mins? this is so autrocious! so imperious! we are not a bunch of dogs from the PET SHOP.... even dogs are not always controlled by their owner. force us? wan us to do well? but why do in such a 'harmful' manner if we faint becoz of not eatin lunch will u all be responsible for it? can answer for it? and if we end up in the hospital u all will ev [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:45 PM): part of nice part [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:45 PM): NPCC treat us as? dogs and horse ? being instructed around using a whip? but in np, usin pumpin and threaten us to do this, do that? [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:45 PM): this also nt bad  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:45 PM): SHUT UP SHUT UP,i teaching you maths [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:46 PM): ok  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:46 PM): if we leave the equation as x squared - 2xy + y squared,  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:46 PM): we cannot substitute in the numbers we have  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:46 PM): agree? [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:46 PM): er yar [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:46 PM): u mean u puttin in the 4?  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:46 PM): and 10 [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:46 PM): oo then [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:46 PM): oH [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:46 PM): i get it [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:46 PM): coz 2xy = 4 times 2  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:46 PM): yes [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:47 PM): then got x squared and y squared so is 10  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:47 PM): yep [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:47 PM): and then the equation is minus so we take 10 - 8?  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:47 PM): yes [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:47 PM): ok [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:47 PM): see i pick up things so fast [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:47 PM): arent i capable?  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:47 PM): ....  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:48 PM): not until you get A1 for English [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:48 PM): zz [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:48 PM): i takin up physics in sec 3 too   -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:48 PM): GOOD!! [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:48 PM): i ask my cuz they say biology hard take [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:49 PM): need memorise this and that [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:49 PM): plus i dun wan be doctor study bio for nth  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:49 PM): then next year your physics tuition tell your mama no need tuition center  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:49 PM): just come to me [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:49 PM): zzzz [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:49 PM): i dun tuition for science [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:49 PM): self learning [a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:49 PM): see pys iso dam capable.  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:49 PM): ....  -----Naughty Naughty boy....OH BEHAVE yourself!!----- ♣♦çÿ says (9:49 PM): CCH is EVEN MORE capable

i got a problem with a maths qns and i asked bryan so he t0ld me everything. how kind of him! >< >lolhehehe

A state trooper pulls over a blonde on a lonely back road and says, "Ma'am, is there a reason why you're weaving all over the road?"

The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. So, I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. Then, I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"

The officer reached through the side window to the rear view mirror, and explained, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener." 

An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station. The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA. Little Boy says " He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!" Officer says "Yes." Little Boy asks "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture.  


A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!" 


The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. 


A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver's window, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over. "No," the man replied. "You failed to stop at the stop sign," the cop explained. "But I did slow down!" the guy argued. The cop shook his head. "You are required to stop. That's why they're called stop signs." The man started to get belligerent. "Stop, slow down -- what's the difference?" The cop pulled out his baton. "I can show you. I'm going to start hitting you with my baton. You tell me if you want me to stop or slow down." 


A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky. An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket. "How did you know I was speeding?" the frustrated driver asked. The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky. "You mean," asked the motorist, "that even He is against me?" 


A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!" 


On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top." 


A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner... NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" Pretty good," chuckled the vet, "especially since this is a bus stop." 


So I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a copper writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on mate, how about giving a bloke a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!! So I called him a horse f*cker. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!! This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't give a shit, my car was parked around the corner... 


The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right." "What two days of the weekstart with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!" 


"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist. The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a long, painful groan. He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit. "Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious." "It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?" 


Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect, who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. Detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot." One of them, when it was his turn, shouted, "That's not what I said!" 


One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidences of the most amazing shooting. On trees, on walls, and on fences there were numerous bull's-eyes with the bullet hole in dead center. The FBI man asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the person responsible for this wonderful marksmanship. The man turned out to be the village idiot. "This is the best marksmanship I have ever seen," said the FBI man. "How in the world do you do it?" "Nothing to it," said the idiot. "I shoot first and draw the circles afterward." 


One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his car. The driver placed the bucket of chicken on top of his car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of his car. So the trooper decides to pull him over and perform a community service by giving the driver his chicken. So he pulled him over, walked up to the car, pulled the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver. The driver looks at the trooper and says, "No thanks, I just bought some." 


The sheriff of a small town was also the town's animal Vet. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it." 


A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!

Q. Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A. He didn't have any arms.

Q. What's the definition of eternity?
A. The time between when you cum and she leaves.

Q. What's gray, sits at the bed and takes the piss?
A. A kidney dialysis machine.

Q. What do you call a female police officer that shaves her pubic hair?
A. Cunt Stubble.

Q. Why do only 10% of women go to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be hell.

Q. What goes: "CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it?"
A. A blind person with a rubix cube.

Q. Why did God invent yeast infection?
A. So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying cunt.

Q. Did you hear about the two gay guys that had an argument in the bar?
A. They went outside to exchange blows.

Q. Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him?
A. He came home shit faced.

Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster with a flea?
A. An itchy cock.

Q. Why is a Laundromat a bad place for a guy to pick up women?
A. Women who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Q. Why are roach clips called roach clips?
A. Because "pot holder" was already taken.

Q. What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
A. The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm...

Q. Why do women have arms?
A. Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?

Q. Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q. What's the bad news about being a test tube baby?
A. You know for sure that your dad is a wanker.

Q. How are men like noodles?
A. They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Q. Why don't Canadians have group sex?
A. Too many thank-you letters to write afterwards.

Q. Why are hangovers better than women?
A. Hangovers will go away.

Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.

Q. What's the difference between a 'Spice Girls' video and a porn video?
A. The porn video has better music!

Q. What's the best part of having a homeless girlfriend?
A. You can drop her off where ever you want!

Q. How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A. One of his fingers is clean.

Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A. So men can be open minded.

Q. What's the biggest fish in the world?
A. A hore, if you catch one you can eat her for months.

Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you?
A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.

Q. Have you heard about the new 'Mint flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex?
A. They're called 'Predickamints'

Q. What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
A. Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.

Q. What's the difference between a toad and a horny toad?
A. One goes "ribbit" the other goes "rub it".'

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Q. What's the difference between Mad Cow disease and PMS?
A. Nothing.

Q. How do you confuse a female archaeologist?
A. Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.

Q. Why does the bride always wear white?
A. Well aren't all kitchen appliances that colour?

Q. What's the difference between parsley and pussy?
A. Nobody eats parsley.

Q. What's green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
A. Kermit's Finger

Q. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q. What's the difference between sin and shame?
A. It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q. What's the speed limit of sex?
A. 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q. Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box?
A. Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face moaning, "Lie to me!"

Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q. What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A. "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."

Q. What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A. If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.

Q. What's the best thing about a blow job?
A. Ten minutes of silence!

Q. What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?
A. Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!

Q. What's another name for pickled bread?
A. Dill-dough

Q. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A. He heard the snow blower coming.

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: Lickalotopuss.

Q. What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common?
A. There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.

Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ass?
A. A Mechanic.

Q. What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. Pimp.

Q. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A. Polaroids.

Q. Why are women are like tires?
A. There's always a spare.

Q. What's brown and sits on a piano bench?
A. Beethoven's First Movement.

Q. What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?
A. A tran-sister.

Q. What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
A. I can't see a thing with all this shit in here!

Q. Why do women wear black underwear?
A. They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.

Q. How do you know when a male porn star is at the gas station?
A. Right before the gas stops pumping he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car.

Q. What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
A. At a hockey game you see fast pucks.

Q. What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A. A salad shooter

Q. What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
A. Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.

If you're going to go down, go down with style. Failing your final exam can actually be an amusing experience, depending on what you make of it. Here are some suggestions... 
Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early. 
Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!" 
If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol. 
Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril. 
Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is. 
Bring cheerleaders. 
Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?" 
Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level. 
On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative. 
Bring pets. 
Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off. 
Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes. 
Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers. 
Come into the exam wearing a pair of birkenstocks, and nothing else. 
Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible. 
Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals. 
Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you. 
As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it. 
Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay. 
Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam. 
Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was. 
Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out
interesting things (DCCAB, BABE, etc..). 
Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out. 
Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Screw this!" and walk out triumphantly. 
Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink). 
Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you start to hold your mouth and make "I'm about to bring something up" sounds.). 
Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!" 
Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day. 
Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away. 
Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam. 
Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!" 
Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said. 
From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai. 
Start a brawl in the middle of the exam. 
If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. 
Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield. 
Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation. 
Bring cheat sheets FROM ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out, too) and staple them to the exam with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit." 
When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip. 
After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her. 
One word: Wrestlemania. 
Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start. 
Try to get people in the room to do the wave. 
Play Frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room. 
Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. 
Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam. 
During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach. 
Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle. 
Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so". 
Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why My Professor Sucks".

Top Ten Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies
It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

The top ten reasons why the television is better than the World Wide Web

10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.

9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Error 404" message? 

8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV. 

7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening. 

6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard. 

5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign. 

4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in. 

3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web. 

2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO. 

1. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.

Top Ten Things To Say About a Christmas Gift You Don't Like...

10. Hey! Now there's a gift! 

9. Well, well, well... 

8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit. 

7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement. 

6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires. 

5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious! 

4. I love it - but I fear the jealousy it will inspire. 

3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program. 

2. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity. 

1. I really don't deserve this. 

Top Ten Signs That You've Had Too Much Of The 90's...

10. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a "9" to get an outside line.

9. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner. 

8. You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person.

7. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.

6. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.

5. You chat on-line regularly with a stranger from the US, but haven't spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year. 

4. You e-mail your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask if they're ready to go to lunch.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 4.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.

Top Ten Signs You Know You've Joined A Redneck HMO...

10. Your Viagra prescription includes a Popsicle stick and some duct tape.

9. The only 100% covered expense is embalming.

8. Your Prozac comes in colors and has little "m"s on each pill.

7. Preventive Care Coverage includes "an apple a day".

6. Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

5. The Lone Star Bar and Grill is an approved pharmacy.

4. The only proctologist lists his address as Rotorooter.

3. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

2. Directions to the Dr.'s office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park".

1. The annual breast exam is conducted at Hooter's

Top Ten Reasons To Go To Work Naked...

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

5. You want to see if it's like the dream.

6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

10. No one steals your chair.

Top Ten Ways To Be An Annoying Usher...

10. Show up drunk. I mean REALLY drunk.

9. SQUEEZE as many people as you can in each row before opening up the next one. We're going for efficiency here.

8. Two words: "Bathroom Key"

7. Insist on frisking all female guests. Body cavity searches are optional.

6. "March" down the aisle and speak with a German accent as you show people to their seats.

5. Urinate in front of each row you are about to open up. Make comments about marking your territory.

4. Pretend you are the Phantom of the Opera. Lurk in the shadows when time permits.

3. Offer your "services" to all guests.

2. Offer guests the opportunity to be included in your plans for world domination.

1. Insist on a pants-free environment.

Top Ten Things Not To Say To Your New Girlfriend's Parents...

10. Can I pull my car in your garage? I'm not sure how long that cop car will stay lost.

9. There ain't nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Sara's will be okay too.

8. Nice place you got here. That painting looks expensive. I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it?

7. Sara is so pretty I've decided to give up being bisexual just for her.

6. Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable in my opinion.

5. We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now. My wife can be rather vindictive at times.

4. Can you believe it! Those shit heads at the corner market won't cash my welfare check!

3. Which one of you taught Sara to give such great head?

2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?

1. My parole officer thinks Sara has a calming effect on me.

Top Ten Reasons Studying is Better Than Sex...

10. You can usually find someone to do it with.

9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.

8. You can finish early with-out feelings of guilt or shame.

7. When you open a book, you don't have to worry about who else has opened it.

6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.

5. If you don't finish a chapter you won't gain a reputation as a "book teaser."

4. You can do it, eat and watch TV all at the same time.

3. You don't get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.

2. You don't have to put your beer down to do it.

1. If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for help!

Top Ten Signs Your Spouse Is Having A Cyber Affair...

10. Lately, she sits at the computer naked.

9. After signing off, he always has a cigarette.

8. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive.

7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up.

6. He's gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand.

5. Every day, Bill Gates sends 10 million dollars worth of flowers.

4. The jam in the laser printer is a pair of underwear.

3. During sex she screams "A COLON BACKSLASH ENTER INSERT!!!!"

2. The fax file is filled with pictures of some guy's ass.

1. Lipstick on the mouse.

Top Ten Ways to Tell Someone Their Fly is Unzipped...

1. The cucumber has left the salad.

2. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.

3. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.

4. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

5. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!

6. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

7. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary".

8. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

9. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?

10. Men are From Mars, women can see Your Penis

Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your Real Estate Agent When You Go To Settlement On Your New Home...

1. "I think unexplained crop circles add a unique flair to any home's garden."

2. "Actually, it's only the rear portion of the yard that overlaps the ancient Indian burial ground."

3. "Yes, the last owner did donate the house to the Hell's Angels, but I'm told that the judge has ordered them not to come within 50 feet of it."

4. "One bleeding toilet doesn't necessarily mean it's haunted."

5. "Your neighbour has assured me that, technically, they're not 'killer' bees."

6. "Even if there was a full-scale mudslide, it's unlikely that it would reach as far back as your property."

7. "It's quite common for roaches to grow that big even when not in the presence of radioactivity."

8. "Did you know that the band Grave Raper holds their practice sessions right next door?"

9. "It's true that they died in the house, but the prosecutor was never actually able to prove it was murder."

10. "You can barely hear the sheet metal factory at night."

Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty In Law But Aren't

10. Have you looked through her briefs?

9. He's one hard judge!

8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.

7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.

6. Is it a penal offense?

5. Better leave the handcuffs on.

4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!

3. Can you get him to drop his suit?

2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

1. Think you can get me off?

Ways to be truly offensive at a funeral...

Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you.

Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens. 

Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first. 

Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover. 

Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased. 

At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo. 

Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it. 

Ask the widow to give you a kiss. 

Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.

Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.

Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.

Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow. 

Leave some phony dog poop on top of the deceased. 

Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before the funeral is over. 

Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone poor who can't afford firewood. 

Walk around telling people that the deceased didn't like them. 

Use the deceased's tongue to lick a stamp.

Ask the widow for money which the deceased owes you.

Take up a collection to pay off the deceased's gambling debts.

Ask the widow if you can have the body to practice tatooing on.

Put Crazy Glue on the deceased's lips just before the widow's last kiss.

Show up at the funeral services in a clown suit.

If the widow cries, blow a trumpet every time she wipes her nose.

When no-one's looking, slip plastic vampire-teeth into the deceased's mouth.

Toss a handful of cooked rice on the deceased and scream "MAGGOTS! MAGGOTS!" and pretend to faint.

At the cemetery take bets on how long it takes a body to decompose.

Get someone to call you on your cell phone during ceremony and pretend your talking to the deceased person.

Goose the widow as she bends over to throw dirt on the coffin.

Circulate a petition to have the body stuffed instead of buried.

Tell everyone you're from the IRS and you're confiscating the coffin for back-taxes.

Promise the minister a hundred dollars if he doesn't keep a straight face while praising the deceased.

Write "Best before last week" on the top of the coffin when nobody is looking.

Accidentally sneeze on the deceased, and literally wipe the smile off his face.

If its a woman, spread her legs and write "Dying for a Shag" on the side of the coffin.

A man walks into a doctors office one day, completely naked, and covered in saran wrap. He goes to the doctor, and the doctor does some tests, and hours later, he tells the man, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."

There was an apartment building with three floors on the first floor there was a gay guy eating dozens of pickles on the second floor there was a guy painting his walls green and on the third floor there was two guys naked have a sword fight one day while the two naked guys were having a sword fight naked, one guy accidentally chopped the other guys penis off which fell to the second floor in the green paint which rolled onto the first floor and into the gay guys pickles jar the gay guy picked it out and took a bite and said that's the best pickle I ever tasted.

A man walks into a bar after a hellish day of work not noticing it was a gay bar. So when he walks over to order his drink, a gay meets him and said" Have you ever played bar football?" The man never heard such a thing and wanted to know how to play. The gay replied," Its very easy. All you have to do is down a pitcher of beer and fart right after. Downing the beer is a touchdown and the fart is the field goal." The man was thinking it through and thought that something might go right for a change. So the gay started the game by downing the beer and farting. He then said," Now that is seven points. Now you try." The man down the beer and when he lend over to fart, right then the gay put his finger up the man's ass and stated," Now that is how you block a field goal!"

Once a person was eating a banana. But a guy went up to him and asked, "Where is Stanley Street? I want to know this because my name is Stanley Cup." So the person guided him to GM Place and said,"Bye!"

An Irishman is really, really drunk, so the bar keeper walks up to him and says:
"Right, you've had enough, go home..."
So the irishman gets up off his stool and falls flat on his face, so he says:
"Ok, ai'll crawl outside instead, to sober up a bit more"
He gets outside, and falls flat on his face, so instead he crawls the four streets to his home. when he gets home he opens the door, standing, and yet again falls flat on his face. so he crawls upstairs into his room, stands up and falls flat on his bed and falls fast asleep straight away.
The following morning his wife wakes him up and says, 'You've been drinking again haven't you?'
The Irishman replies, 'What makes you say that?'
His wife replies, 'Well the pub just called, you've left your wheelchair there again!'


Fishing rules 

Fishing rule #1: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you.
Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won't make him truthful. 

Going fishing? 

Bill: Hey Phil, are you going fishing?
Phil: Yeah!
Bill: Ya got worms?
Phil: Yeah, but I'm still going! 

Good salesman

A young zealous boy wanted desperately to work at a department store. He approached the store manager who responded they needed no help. Quite persistent, the boy returned again and again until the manager finally said "We're having a holiday sale tomorrow. Why don't you show up and you can give it a try." The elated boy returned the following day and proceeded to sell. At the end of the day the store manager called the youngster over and asked how he had done. The boy responded that he had sold $79,083.50 worth of merchandise. The manager asked how he had done so well. The young man said, "Well this guy was going fishing to have some sports fun so I asked if he wanted some fish hooks, he said sure, That is $1.50. I asked if he had a nice fishing pole, he said no, so I got a graphite extension pole for $43.50. Do you have a nice reel, not yet replied the customer... so I got him a nice quick release reel for $35.00. I asked here he was going fishing and he said Strawberry Reservoir. I told him the best places to catch fish are near the center, "Do you have a boat?" The man said he didn't so I set him up with a nice outboard 30 foot cruiser for $28,000.00. Then I asked if he had a trailer. He didn't, so I got him a double axle trailer for $3,000.00. Then I asked what he had to tow the boat. He only had a station wagon, so I told him that just wouldn't do, but we could get him a nice fully loaded Dodge Ram dually, racked and packed with a tow package, trailer hitch and everything for $48,000.00. He wanted it all." As you can imagine the store manager was astounded. "And to think it all began with that man asking for a package of fish hooks?" The boy replied, "Oh no, it all began with him asking for some tampons which were $3.50, so I replied, "Well you aren't going to be doing much else this weekend, you might as well go fishing!" 

How much tackle... 

How much fishing tackle can a man accumulate before his wife throws him out?
I don't know the answer but I think I'm nearly there. 

Husband went fishing 

One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house.
He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What terrible weather today honey," he said to her. "Yes. And my idiot husband went fishing!" she replied. 

Ice fishing 

One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish down there."
He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He looked up into the sky and asked, "God, is that you?"
"No, you idiot," the voice said, "it's the rink manager." 

Interesting bait 

David, the fisherman, had driven by the lake many times and had seen some other anglers about, so he decided to give his luck a try. On his first day of fishing he had no luck at all but noticed that another fisherman near him that was scooping in one after another. He had to know The Secret. "Excuse me sir, but would you mind telling me what sort of bait you are using?" he asked. The other man looked around a bit embarrassed. "Well, I am a surgeon, and quite by accident I found that human tonsil works very well." David thanked the man, thought about what sort of bait to try next time, and left. The next day, David returned to the lake, tried a different bait and still had no luck. Just as the day before, there was yet a different man reeling in fish after fish. "Excuse me," asked David, "but could you suggest a bait that I could try?" "Well, I can, but I am not sure it will do you any good. I am using a bit of human appendix." "Hmm," thought David. It seemed that the fish in this lake would require a little more effort than normal. He left, willing to give the lake one more try. On the third day, David still had no luck. As was usual, there was yet another man near him bringing in fish left and right. David wanted to confirm what he already knew. "Excuse me sir, but are you a doctor?"
"No, I am a Rabbi." replied the man. 

Irish priest fisherman 

An Irish priest loved to fly fish, it was an obsession of his. So far this year the weather had been so bad that he hadn't had a chance to get his beloved waders on and his favorite flies out of their box. Strangely though, every Sunday the weather had been good, but of course Sunday is the day he has to go to work. The weather forecast was good again for the coming Sunday so he called a fellow priest claiming to have lost his voice and be in bed with the flu. He asked him to take over his sermon. The fly fishing priest drove fifty miles to a river near the coast so that no one would recognize him. An angel up in Heaven was keeping watch and saw what the priest was doing. He told God who agreed that he would do something about it.
With the first cast of his line a huge fish mouth gulped down the fly. For over an hour the priest ran up and down the river bank fighting the fish. At the end when he finally landed the monster size fish it turned out to be a world record Salmon.
Confused the angel asked God, "Why did you let him catch that huge fish? I thought you were going to teach him a lesson." God replied "I did. Who do you think he's going to tell?" 

Likes fishing because... 

I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one!" 

Mother to daughter advice 

Mother to daughter advice:
Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend. 

New fly rod and reel 

I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife...
...best trade I ever made. 

No gators 

Last winter, while sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. The guy could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.

Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How did you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em." 

Only one man could catch fish 

No one in this town could catch any fish except this one man.
The game warden asked him how he did it so the man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day... Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish. The game warden told him that this was illegal. The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and said " are you going to fish or talk?" 

Out of season, no license 

The fishing season hasn't opened and a fisherman who doesn't have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks "Any luck?"
"Any luck? This is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream yesterday" he boasts.
"Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am?" asks the stranger.
"Nope." "Well, meet the new game warden."
"Oh," gulped the fisherman. "Well, do you know who I am?"
"Nope".
"Meet the biggest liar in the state."
Dictionary for women

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet. 

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Translations for men

These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say... 

"IT'S A GUY THING"

Translated:* "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"

Translated:* "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"

Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"

Translated:* "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."

Translated:* "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."

Translated:* "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."

Translated:* "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car

I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."

Translated:* "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."

Translated:* "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."

Translated:* "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"

Translated:* "What did you catch me at?"

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."

Translated:* "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."

Translated:* "I make the messes; she cleans them up."

SCHOOL SUCKS x( 2/06/2009 09:49:00 PM<3

Currently talking to leon lau, but he went off9 this was the conversation proudly brought to you by a SHORTIE ( leon lau ) and a rubbsih guy ( ys )

Leon Lau says (9:07 PM):
HE OSO NOT ON9
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:07 PM):
then too bad
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:07 PM):
ask him to olnine
Leon Lau says (9:07 PM):
bring ah
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:08 PM):
NO
Leon Lau says (9:08 PM):
bring
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:08 PM):
hw many upten times mus i tell u
Leon Lau says (9:08 PM):
bring
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:08 PM):
which part of my english dontt you understand?
Leon Lau says (9:08 PM):
bring
Leon Lau says (9:08 PM):
bring
Leon Lau says (9:08 PM):
bring
Leon Lau says (9:08 PM):
bring
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:08 PM):
NOT AT ALL. NO NO NO.
Leon Lau says (9:08 PM):
bring
Leon Lau says (9:08 PM):
bring
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:08 PM):
my decision is final. no.
Leon Lau says (9:08 PM):
bring
Leon Lau says (9:08 PM):
bring
Leon Lau says (9:08 PM):
bring
Leon Lau says (9:08 PM):
bring
Leon Lau says (9:08 PM):
bring
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:08 PM):
no use persuading me. hahz. forget it dun spam aldy
Leon Lau says (9:08 PM):
bring
Leon Lau says (9:09 PM):
bring
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:09 PM):
JUDGES DECISION IS FINAL.
Leon Lau says (9:09 PM):
bring
Leon Lau says (9:09 PM):
bring
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:09 PM):
NOT BRINGING BERET. ltr i sms jp la no worries
Leon Lau says (9:09 PM):
bring
Leon Lau says (9:09 PM):
bring
Leon Lau says (9:09 PM):
see my pm
[a=#A-39][m]iSpiltCurry [/p][a=72] x3 beyondvino,xGALSJLEx,zatuna,yukiminO LetsLearnABC says (9:09 PM):
fck u
Leon Lau says (9:10 PM):
bring ah
Leon Lau says (9:10 PM):
i gtg liao

this was holy. i very bas***d right? okay la so-so lazy find my beret only la leon dun get angry and go offline just to cry ok? lol.
started for today. the school went to sch tgt wib leon and jp lets show some latest maple SS. xD

zzzz shuts the pic at top. nvm heck care. tdy traffic duty again went normal. cd and jp doing. they stopped a bus! and then when cd wanna stop two cars jus went pass but btr than me las time 3 taxi passed me eeew no respect. LOL class went usual normal lazy type

then conversational malay fun only hehe nvm lazy type CHIONG history. xD make sure i do a good one . gd night all ;d

SCHOOL SUCKS x( 2/05/2009 09:10:00 PM<3

then eat breakfas , buddhen brush my teeth first. ( still rmb the compo i wrote my teeth as royal ) lol. then used computer till lunch. father and mum went out to blk 264 there buy JI fan ( chicken rice) okok lo actually they got buy bee hoon. i wan derh! ><><>

SCHOOL SUCKS x( 2/01/2009 08:30:00 PM<3